Sep 17, 2019

71% of us have turned down opportunities due to a lack of confidence.

In business we are repeatedly required to do things which require a certain amount of self belief. Standing on a stage in front of crowds, confidently selling services to strangers and sharing unfiltered ideas to coworkers can, for many of us, feel incredibly daunting. 

As humans, we are innately social animals. In his book Social, why our brains are wired to connect neuroscientist Matthew Leiberman writes “our brains evolved to experience threats to our social connections in much the same way they experience physical pain. By activating the same neural circuitry that causes us to feel physical pain, our experience of social pain helps ensure [our] survival.” Our instincts are for inclusion; to be excluded, to be socially humiliated or outcast is to fear for our survival. Research tells us that “a fear of exclusion makes the motivation to protect oneself from social threats dominant”. 

In other words, the nerves that so many of us feel when faced with public speaking, pitching, meetings or presentations are a completely normal, rational response to an objective social threat and it is within our nature to actively avoid these threats.

When we consider this, it is not surprising that when we spoke to over 250 professionals across a range of disciplines and levels of experience, over half (51%) of us have turned down the opportunity to speak at an event or conference because we were worried about our performance and that 16% of us have even said no to a promotion because we did not feel we were ready.

confidence in work

(It is worth noting, that when averaged to the total number of responses, of the 71% who responded that they have turned down opportunities because of confidence, 51% were women and 49% were men. Of the 16% who have turned down a promotion because they did not feel ready, 58% were women, 42% were men. This supports that whilst there are social constructs that have, and continue, to hold women back in the workplace, a fear of exclusion, of not doing it right, or getting it wrong, is very much a human response).

Surprisingly, this does not vary hugely according to levels of seniority. It makes sense to think that early in your career new experiences, such as presenting your ideas to your boss, could be daunting, though managers, team leads and businesses owners were within the 71% of have turned down opportunities because of confidence.

I believe, passionately, that we need to start acknowledging this silent fear that so many of us carry around to prevent us from feeling as though it is an internal failing on our part, rather than just a rational response to real world threats. If we do not start to openly discuss and address confidence issues in the workplace, we miss out on a rich tapestry of ideas that come from a plethora of voices. Our stages will miss out on over half of divergent ideas because we are failing to reassure those who turn down speaking opportunities for a fear of failure.

Having worked with hundreds of people on their confidence over the past couple of years, what always surprises me is how most people are convinced that it is just them who feels that way. We conducted this research so I could confirm this hunch, that it’s actually pretty routine to feel shit scared about putting yourself in a vulnerable situation.  What we need to address, though, is the 71% of us who turn down opportunities because we are too worried of negative repercussions.

Public speaking isn’t for everyone, that pitch, that promotion, isn’t for everyone – though we should all be awarded an opportunity to discover what is simply not right for us, or those things that we are not doing because we are letting our, very natural, fear of social exclusion determine our professional behaviour.

Confidence is not just a thing that some people have, it can be learnt, nurtured, developed and drawn upon at key moments. We can manage our nerves, regulate our emotions and develop new patterns of thinking. As neuroscience continues to uncover more of what we understand about the brain and how this impacts our behaviours, I would go as far as to say that the development of confidence within teams will stop being an elusive skill that we silently all wish we had more of and a practical skill that we work to actively attain.

You can sign up to our open Confidence Workshops here or if you are a business looking to empower your team, get in touch.

 

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Aug 28, 2019

To be better leaders, we have to stop telling people what to do

This week, I had the pleasure of speaking at Turing Fest on the topic of Avoiding Feedback Failure.

One of the areas I covered focused around specifically that:

Telling people what to do, will only work if it already fits with our existing wiring. – David Rock

Our brains are a network of unimaginable complexity, trillions of constantly changing neurons creates an almost infinite way of encoding information. Our wiring is so complex, research shows, our brains are as unique to us as our fingerprints. 

With an almost infinite way to process and store information and entirely unique hardwiring driving our automatic preconceptions, biases and reactions, it is no wonder that things we are told and advice we are given, may not quite make sense to us.

Whilst it is good as individuals to actively seek out advice, as leaders, it is not always the best strategy for us to give it.

For many of professions, performance in the workplace is no longer a simple linear  process of input and output, without one process checklist way of hitting a goal. There are often multiple solutions to the same problem and our requirement of employees is often one of finding any solution to a range of problems. According to a World Economic Forum report, the skills that will be most valuable in 2020 are; complex problem solving, critical thinking, creativity, people management and coordinating with others. These are not skills that are best nurtured through being told what to do. We can not tell someone how to think critically or solve problems, that defeats the object.

What is more effective, for us as leaders, is to help our team define the solution that makes the most sense to them.

In order to do this, we need to get better at guiding people to identify their own solutions to their own problems, and we do this, not by saying “In this situation I would do x” but by saying “What ways do you think you have to solve the problem?”. 

Learning to ask effective questions takes skill, practice and experience, though I have collated a list of questions that can bring about incredibly powerful results for you to try. You can find them here.

[su_button url=”http://roar.test/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Effective-Feedback-Questions.pdf” target=”blank” background=”#41d50e”]EFFECTIVE QUESTIONS[/su_button]

Let us know what you think!

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Aug 8, 2019

RESEARCH: How men can be better allies to women

Over the course of my career, I have interacted with dozens, if not hundreds, of well-intentioned individuals who struggle to navigate the nuances of what it means to be a “good ally” in the workplace. In other words, there doesn’t seem to be a universally accepted answer to the question how can men* best professionally support women*.

In a world where over half (54%) of women actively feel as though their gender has negatively affected their career progression and  31% of men have experienced a female co-worker being treated unfairly because of their gender, this question is as pertinent today as it was half a century ago. 

About a month ago, I noticed a spate of sexism happening in the tech industry and the social response to this varied hugely from person to person. Some people called out the behaviour, intentionally outing and shaming the perpetrators. Others defended the perpetrators as it being old mistakes, stipulating it best to focus on positive change. Others shrugged and said it happens. Some women felt as though we were being spoken on behalf of, others felt supported, some men were outraged, others felt attacked. 

The main thing that stuck out to me was that Those contributing in the conversation were, for the most part, well meaning, but it was a mess, and the differences in discourse were making it messier. 

We began to research the topic of what it meant to be a good ally for both woman and men, in practical terms. In other words, we tried to define evidence based guidance we can collectively draw upon, when navigating the often complex and nuanced challenge of gender parity in the workplace. 

We surveyed over 600 male and female respondents from all over the world, in a range of careers and levels of seniority to define:

  1. Current perceptions of gender inequality in the workplace
  2. Current beliefs on how to be better allies

Findings Summary

  • There is a disparity between women who feel as though their gender negatively affects their career and men’s perceptions on inequality. 54% of female
    respondents believe that their gender has negatively affected their career progression. 65% of of male respondents believe that their female co-workers are treated equally in the workplace.
  • In support of this, over half (51%) of female respondents report a general sense of wanting to “be believed” when they discuss or report inequality.
  • Several male and female respondents reported that the “open sharing of salary information” would help gender parity.
  • Wanting progression to be primarily “merit based” is cited as important for both men and women.
  • Having an “awareness of bias” and inherent differences is reported as being an important route to gender parity by both men and women.
  • Some female respondents think direct action, for sexist behaviour to be “called out”, is a positive route to gender equality. Others respond preferring to “handle it ourselves”.
  • Based on this, the recommendation for male coworkers is to ask female coworkers how best they can support the individual, based on her preferences.
  • Nearly all (92%) of female respondents report wanting an open dialogue, where issues can be addressed together, discussed on a case by case basis.

The full research and findings can be read in this report

WATCH THE REPLAY

*We recognise that this positions gender as binary, which is reductive. For those who do not identify with this definition of gender, you can find support and information on the topic in the resources section of the report.

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Jun 18, 2019

Introducing Roar! Training to level the professional playing field

In the summer of 2018, I was invited to speak at an event in Germany  with Sistrix, and it accidentally changed my life in a way I did not see coming.

This was the speaker photo at the end of the event. Can you spot the odd one out?

YES, I was rocking a badly styled pixie crop, but also I was, not for the first time in my speaking career, the only woman speaking at the event. I had an open discussion with the conference organisers who said they truly wanted to diversify their speakers and have gender parity, though really struggled to get women to submit themselves as speakers.

This sparked me running free presentation training for women to try and address this specific issue that conference organisers often discuss; that women simply submit themselves to events less. Throughout this work I began to hear the same concerns. People feeling like they weren’t good enough, having imposter syndrome, not being able to field questions and managing nerves. I learnt that presentation training (ie how to present) wasn’t enough and began developing confidence workshops (ie why you can present) to level the professional playing field. I also learnt that confidence is not a gender issue and all humans face the same, often limiting, fears and struggles in the workplace.

They worked. People responded incredibly well and over the course of the year I have seen dozens of women (and men now, too) speak at conferences. My workshops have had a significant and tangible impact on the amount of people that now feel able to speak at events, and that’s cool as shit.

I completed a neuroscience based coaching course, that taught me an honestly mind blowing amount about the human brain, cognitive psychology and how this manifests in the workplace. I began devouring research, and conducting my own research, on the topic of confidence and communication and working with academics in the field.

We have now developed three distinct workshops that I believe are hugely powerful both to the businesses that buy them and the individuals that attend them.

Confidence

For those who want to speak at events, be heard in meetings or communicate compellingly. These workshops are aimed at teaching participants why we feel nervous, why we often struggle to put ourselves forward and why nerves can inhibit our performance, in order to mitigate them and push ourselves in the future.

Communication

For those who want to learn how to have positive, constructive communication in the workplace. These workshops provide attendees with a practical framework to manage difficult feedback, be persuasive with selling services or ideas and how to resolve professional conflict effectively. (Those who work with clients often really benefit from this!)

Allies

Throughout my career, I had so many conversations with well meaning men who were struggling to navigate the nuance of how best to champion and support their female coworkers. These evidence and research based workshops provide tangible advice on how, specifically, to be an empowered, considered ally.

We also support businesses through ongoing 1-2-1 coaching programmes, based on the specific pressure points that manifest within the workshops.

Currently, we are at the point where we are looking to expand and take on more coaches to support the delivery of the workshops which is like, mental.

Thank you to all the people who have supported me in stumbling on the thing in life that I am really f**king good at (yet to determine if swearing is within my brand guidelines, probably not) and if you work in a business that needs to have conversations with people sometimes, you may be interested in booking a workshop.

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