How to turn any event into a confidence builder

Words by Danny Greeves, a professional coach, hypnotherapist, author, and speaker. His mission is to help ambitious professionals and business owners to confidently express themselves and feel inspired to share their value with the world. He is the author of ‘Six Steps to Self-Confidence’ and ‘The Best Advice for Speakers' book alongside global influencers such as Dr. Demartini and Bob Proctor.

My website is www.dannygreevescoaching.com

Confidence is difficult to measure, yet we certainly know when we have it and when we don’t. Life is full of challenges and when a big one comes along, or when several come along in close succession, it can feel like confidence vanishes into thin air. Fortunately for us, with a shift in perspective and tapping into that inner state of curiosity we all can access, you can turn every event into a confidence building experience.

In order to achieve this you need to get really connected to your values. Every single human being on earth lives their life by a set of values; the things and people that are most meaningful. The things that you love to do, that bring you joy and the things you persevere with even though they’re difficult.

Your values act like a GPS signal so you know which direction you want to go in. Armed with this, it allows us to ask some quality questions to unlock confidence in every event. But how do you really know what your values are?

Your values will shine through in the actions and behaviours you do on a regular basis.

What do you spend the most time doing? What type of things do you keep close to you? What type of things do you fill your space with? What energises you? What lights you up? What keeps you engaged in a conversation so you can stay up late talking about it? What do you spend your money on? What goals do you consistently work towards?

Working through these questions, your life will demonstrate what your top two or three values are. If you notice similar answers being repeated as you go through these questions, there is a great chance you’re perfectly on track.

Now you have your values GPS system connected and engaged. In other words, you’re conscious and present of what is most meaningful to you in life. This is huge for confidence building, because whenever you can see that what you have experienced is helping you to get more of what’s important to you, your confidence and self-esteem rises. Let’s look at a recent example.

Jane, 33, has her highest value as her family, and her second highest value as her busy and successful career. When her daughter started having serious trouble at school, Jane didn’t know how to handle it. She lacked confidence in this area because she hasn’t faced this issue before. It was new and difficult. Despite her best efforts nothing seemed to change.

Her lack of confidence in her family issue had a knock on effect on her work and her self-confidence took another hit. This easily could have led to a slippery slope where Jane continued to lose confidence - unless, we know how to ask the right questions to shift her perspective.

If Jane is able to look at her current situation with an open mind, and find out how this

experience is helping her get closer to her family, and helping her be a more empowered businesswoman, her perspective - and her confidence - shifts. She no longer sees it as a pain to be avoided, she can view it as the platform to become even more confident.

We start by asking Jane, how is going through this experience benefiting her? How is it advantageous to her relating to her family and work? What is it pushing her to learn? How is it stimulating her own personal growth? How is it allowing her to become more adaptable and resilient?

With a curious mindset and some quality questions, some new answers appear…

Jane’s challenges with her daughter have led them to sit down and really talk about what the issues are at school. Jane has learned more about her daughter's needs, her emotions, and the support she requires.

Jane has been pushed to demand more of her daughter's teachers, she has stood firm in some difficult conversations and really demonstrated her communication skills and her determination.

She has connected with family members, friends and colleagues, asking for advice, getting emotional support, and learning new information. All of which has helped her feel closer to her family and grateful for her friends.

Finally, Jane has had to research new strategies, new techniques and new ideas to help her daughter. This pushed her out of her comfort zone but resulted in progress with these new and difficult issues, as well as receiving more love and appreciation for her efforts

When we view her situation from this perspective, Jane’s challenges with her daughter are bringing them closer together, and deepening their relationship. It helped Jane to be assertive in her communication with teachers, which also helped her work performance. She tapped into new levels of determination to get what she believed was fair. She grew stronger family and friend connections, and work colleagues have become trusted friends. In the work context, she demonstrated powerful research skills and courage to learn new information and implement it - all vital skills in her busy career.

Through this lens Jane can now view her current situation as a challenge that is bringing the best out of her. It accelerates her career trajectory and strengthens her family unit. All of the things that are most important to her.

By connecting to your values, approaching challenges with an open mind and a sense of curiosity, you can look past the difficulties to see the bigger picture. When you connect to what’s most important to you, even challenges become welcome stops on the way to being the most confident version of yourself you can be.