The real key to success? Master your resilience in 3 easy steps

Resilience is one of the top buzzwords of 2021. We talk about it, want more of it, and try our best to instil it in our children. However, resilience isn’t something you either have or don’t - it’s a muscle you can build and develop.

Defined as the ability to bounce back from adversity, resilience can sometimes be confused with the ‘stiff upper lip’ approach of putting up with a difficult situation. Want to feel happier? Refusal to give up after failure, or when things get tough, is key to feeling happier and living a more fulfilled life.

Anyone can learn to become resilient

One person who knows a thing or two about resilience is former Apprentice star and international headline speaker Jaz Ampaw-Farr.  At just seven years old, she lived in extreme poverty, was forced to steal just so she could eat, and suffered abuse at the hands of her step-father.  

But instead of letting her difficult start in life define her, Jaz has gone on to transform the lives of tens of thousands of people and businesses as a highly sort after international speaker. Pre-covid, she was often jet-setting across the globe, advising clients - from governments to Gucci - on resilience, people leadership, and diversity.

The secret of successful people: the 3 R’s of resilience 

“One thing the pandemic has shown us is that we are stronger, wiser and powerful than we give ourselves credit for,” said Jaz.

“So why is it that we still doubt our capabilities and talk our achievements down? Well, 9 times out of 10 it comes down to a fear of failure. It starts with learning to reframe your thoughts and focus your energy on future proofing yourself. This allows you to rebrand failure and fear less.

“Let’s be honest, failure isn’t an ‘if’, it’s a ‘when’. And as soon as you start to turn down the volume on fear, you find more agency. Keep going and you’ll become unstoppable.”

Here are her top tips on how to build your own emotional resilience, toughen up your mind, and embrace failure as an essential part of the journey to your ultimate success.

Responsibility

Take responsibility ONLY for what you can control. No matter how hard you try, you can’t control everything so the first thing to do is make two lists – the things you can control and the things you can’t. (And promise me that you’ll choose not to invest any time worrying in the things on your second list!).

The only thing you really have any control over is how you show up. Spend more time focussing on what you say, do, think and feel. What others think about you, how they behave towards you is not something you are responsible for. When you feel anxiety creep in, do an Elsa and “let it go!”

This past year will become your Generation C story and it’s one you will be telling for the rest of your life. In that narrative, the C could stand for Covid or your Gen C story could focus on your courage, creativity and ability to change. 

Reach

Reach out beyond what you believe to be possible: You are only as powerful as the story you tell yourself. So if you believe you don’t deserve happiness you are mentally pitching your tent in a garden of limited possibility. It’s like watching a show at the theatre from a restricted view seat. What you believe to be possible is only your perspective. If you want the truth about yourself, rather than rely on your own thoughts and feelings, ask those who love you and choose to believe what they tell you.

Ask yourself what would happen if you were just 10% braver and take that small step. Seek out others who have already walked the path you want and ask for advice and guidance. Be honest with yourself: what is it that’s been holding you back? Is the story you’ve been telling yourself really the whole truth? Kick imposter syndrome to the kerb and dare to believe in yourself.

Reframe

Reframe your limiting and negative thoughts: Probably the most powerful thing you can do towards building resilience is shortening the time it takes for you to get back up again after you fall. Take guilt and shame away from mistakes and you’re left with a valuable learning tool. In fact, mistakes are so valuable you should aim to become a Mistake Artist!

Failure is an inevitable part of life and business, even more so if you’re an entrepreneur, so focus on what you’re going to do next, rather than dwelling on what’s happened. What always helps me to reframe my thoughts and get me back on track is coming back to my ‘WHY. You are the main character in your story, but your ability to reframe has a huge benefit on the surrounding cast who you influence, lead, serve and love. Reframing your thoughts of not being ‘good enough’ is the very thing that inspires others to believe in themselves too.

Jaz Ampaw- Farr is a ‘resilience ninja’, coveted international keynote speaker and author, who also starred in series 9 of the Apprentice. Hailed ‘the UK’s answer to Oprah’, Jaz travels the globe inspiring tens of thousands of people on how to overcome adversity, be braver and handle whatever life throws at you. Watch her TEDx Talk to see her in action. For more information about Jaz, her courses and how you can work with her visit www.jazampawfarr.com